


What’s Mine Is Yours

by KayNight



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Romance, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26255743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: When you turn 18, your pain is no longer your own - your soulmate shares your burden. It is to teach you balance and respect, how to live not only for oneself, but for another. The Goddess is said to make the match, and that the pain is a blessing of your relationship.When they are children, Dimitri’s pain is Felix’s pain long before they know what soulmates are.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	What’s Mine Is Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a Twitter AU thread gone WILD

When you turn 18, your pain is no longer your own - your soulmate shares your burden. It is to teach you balance and respect, how to live not only for oneself, but for another. The Goddess is said to make the match, and that the pain is a blessing of your relationship. 

When they are children, Dimitri’s pain is Felix’s pain before they know what soulmates are. Every training lance that splinters between the Prince’s hands and cuts into his skin, every scraped knee and split lip. Felix’s response becomes almost instantaneous - big fat tears rolling down his cheeks and sniffling he can’t stop. 

Their parents joke that Felix has defied the goddess and chosen his soulmate for himself. Even once they’re old enough to understand the implications, Felix feels no embarrassment. Being Dimitri’s soulmate is everything he has ever wanted. Dimitri just says nothing and smiles, wiping away Felix’s tears with gentle touches as he always had.

The day Dimitri is beaten and left for dead among the corpses of his family, Felix is training with Sylvain and feels nothing more than the ache of his muscles and the sting when Sylvain gets a lucky hit in. 

When Dimitri is returned to Fhirdiad, he is nearly unrecognizable. When he moves onto his back in his sleep, he wakes screaming. When his bandages are changed he bleeds anew and the skin is raw and infected. Felix feels nothing. 

He would not feel anything till he was 18 even if they were soulmates he reminds himself over and over again but it does nothing to drown out the screams in his head that HE SHOULD’VE KNOWN. 

He is numb. He should’ve been strong enough to save Glenn and he should’ve loved Dimitri enough to feel his pain. He hadn’t defied the goddess at all, his love wasn’t strong enough. 

No one understands. Well of course he couldn’t feel it, it’s not his fault, how could he have known, not until you’re 18, you may not even be soulmates - none of it matters to Felix. He should’ve known. Dimitri was /his/. He should’ve known. 

The Tragedy may have begun the beginning of Felix’s paradigm shift, but it is the rebellion that is the final nail in the coffin. His numbness had been self preservation in the face of devastating tragedy and the end of his childhood. His rage, his wrath following the rebellion is no different. 

It is not he who failed Dimitri now, it is Dimitri who has failed him. Faerghus has failed him, time and time again. Felix may be a young man in the eyes of Faerghus, but he is still a child. It is too much to process - the ideals he cherished as now a source of revulsion, the boy he loved now a curse. There was no middle ground. 

His 18th birthday became nothing more but another date on the calendar - no promise of confirmation of what he had always known or the opening of a whole new world to him. It means nothing, to him now. And so, he goes through the Academy like this - lashing out at friend and foe alike for their laughable naïveté. For their belief that the Goddess has gifted them anything but grief. 

Dimitri, for his own part, couldn’t agree more. The only person he’d ever wanted to be his soulmate hates him. Even if Felix’s feelings towards him were different, even if Felix saw him as anything more than a beast to be put down - Dimitri wouldn’t be worthy of his love anyways. 

So Dimitri turns his mind to other things. He had only slightly less hopeless endeavors to dedicate himself to. (But he cant but wonder - if Felix was his soulmate, would he feel the sting of his own words, feel the bite of “boar” every time it passed his own lips?). 

In Faerghus, you bear your soulmates pain in silence. If you saw someone keel over in the street or heard a sudden gasp of pain, you let it be. After all, in Holy Kingdom you could never be quite sure if it was their own wounds or their soulmates causing them pain. 

The pain was always temporary and never left a mark - making it custom across Fodlan to keep a journal tracking the pain and extrapolating what the cause might be. More grievous injuries made it easier to deduce your soulmate, but in times of war losing a limb or an eye was not so unique.

On his 18th birthday, Dimitri considers for a moment. He may not be worthy of a soulmate, but if he were to become aware of his soulmate’s identity he would at least know who would bear the weight of his sins. He buys a soul journal at the market, wrapped in thick dark leather. 

Sylvain whistles and waggles his eyebrows when spots it, Dimitri gives him what is more of a grimace then a smile. Dimitri knows for a fact that Sylvain does not bother keeping track of his aches and pains, and takes care to hide his own from those around him. 

All that said, Dimitri knows without a doubt there is a reason Sylvain always chooses Manuela for healing instead of Mercedes. But Dimitri is in no place to pass judgement, Sylvain’s reasoning is likely no different from his own, faulty though it may be. 

For a few days the journal remains blank. Then, in a minor skirmish with bandits, Felix gets a minor slice across the arch of his cheek and Dimitri feels the hot strike of pain. He says nothing and burns the journal that very night.

Felix turns 18 and Fodlan falls to war. He’s not even sure where his pain ends and his soulmate’s begins. He doesn’t care to let his eyes follow Dimitri in battle. 

The creature has finally revealed its true colors and he’s bound to lose his stomach if he has to watch it crush another skull in its fist. They’re hounded as they return to Faerghus and in the weeks that follow their return, Felix feels nothing but his own pain.

And then they receive word Rufus is dead and Dimitri has been imprisoned for his murder. It is a mere hours after they receive word - a day since Dimitri’s imprisonment that the pain starts. It is excruciating and relentless. 

Felix bars himself in his room, only eating the food that is brought to him and refusing to see his father. Felix is no fool. If Dimitri truly is his soulmate, then he is being tortured. For a confession they will never get, undoubtably. 

Then the pain stops. And Felix is terrified. The wyvern arrives the next morning. The Crown Prince is dead, executed for treason.

Rodrigue tells him through the door of his bed chamber, and informs Felix that he will be riding to Fhirdiad - that he will seek justice. Felix does not answer, Felix says nothing. And for the first time, in a very long time, Felix starts to cry. 

Felix isn’t quite sure why he’s crying. It had been such a long time since he cried for Dimitri, it feels unnatural. It’s hot and wet and messy and he can’t breathe.

Is he crying because Dimitri’s dead or because he didn’t feel the cut of the blade against his own neck? Why should he care either way? Dimitri is dead, Dimitri has long been dead, the thing they executed is nothing more than a beast. 

Felix is sick abed for a week. Any aches or pains he has he writes off as his own. And then Sylvain arrives. 

Sylvain kicks open the door to his room, scaring Felix shitless and hauls him out of bed. Then Sylvain, faster than he should have any right to be, seizes the flesh around his forearm and /twists/. Felix snarls and shoved him off, cursing at him. The pain is sharp and fierce and then - it echoes. Felix freezes in shock at the sharp retaliatory pain that radiates across his other arm. 

“You felt something didn’t you? He’s not dead Felix, they didn’t manage to kill him.” 

Sylvain’s eyes are bright and a little wild and suddenly Felix is 6 years old again and Sylvain knows everything there is to know in the world and can solve any problem. 

Tears start falling before he realizes and even Sylvain is frozen in shock in that moment, before he pulls Felix’s into a tight embrace. “He’s alive, Felix. He’s out there somewhere.” Felix doesn’t ask how Sylvain knows, doesn’t ask why he came or what he is planning, he only asks one question. 

“Why am I relieved?” 

Felix asks in a small voice, burying his head deeper into Sylvain’s chest. 

“I hate him, I hate him so much, why am I-“ 

“Felix. We’re at war, a usurper is on the throne, and your soulmate, /Dimitri/ is out there. We have bigger problems then the lies you tell yourself.” 

Felix hits him for that, but doesn’t deny it. He’s too tired, too exhausted with relief and worry to go through the motions to protect his heart. It’s already been shattered so many times before, there’s no point in protecting it any longer. 

They set out the next day. It takes them more than four years to find Dimitri, or rather, what’s left of him. It was never supposed to take that long. A trip to Fhirdiad and talking to enough of the right people makes it clear that Dimitri is no longer held prisoner there, in fact, Cornelia has no idea where he’s gone at all. Some form of strike was carried out to deliver Dimitri from the dungeons and certain death.

So why not go to Fraldarius or Gautier or Galatea? Why no go to any of those that remain loyal to him? The question plagues Felix more than any of the pain he endures those years. And the pain is fierce. 

The eye is the worst. Usually the pain is fleeting or dull enough that a hiss of breath or a gritted groan is all it drags out of him. The soulbond isn’t designed to kill its bearers, so the pain is considerably weaker for the partner than the primary recipient. But Felix never would have known when he feels the flash of claws across his right eye - and the tearing searing pain that rips a scream from his throat and brings him to his knees. 

The months that follow consist of incessant pain to his right side, and this an easy conclusion that Dimitri has lost the eye. Has lost an /eye/. Felix cannot imagine him with one eye, he does not want to imagine him with anything but that bright piercing gaze. As it the Goddess would have it, of course seeing the eye patch is the least of Felix’s horrors upon their reunion. 

The first time they go into the battle with the Mad King, Sylvain almost ends up taking his head. Dimitri does not care way damage he incurs in the heat of battle. He rips arrows from his flesh and takes hits as if he is no longer capable of feeling his own pain. Of course, Felix still is. 

Other nations may think it strategically foolish for soulmates to take the field of battle together, unless one remains on the frontlines and the other playing support. A moment of distraction, emotional or physical, over their soulmates pain could mean death. Faerghus disagrees. Pain management, like fighting, is something long instilled in their fighters. If the echo of pain is enough to take you down on the field, you don’t belong there in the first place. 

But most soulmates don’t take an axe to the shoulder, wrench it out, and down an elixir with the same consideration a graze to the knee would warrant. Felix’s scream rises above the wild din of the field, and if Sylvain hadn’t been just paces away, the imperial mage would’ve landed a death blow he never should have had the opportunity to strike. 

Felix is in shock after the battle, and Sylvain lets his rage over take him. He surges up in Dimitri’s face teeth bared, one hand fisted in his ratty cloak and tears into him. Dimitri plucks him off and tosses him aside as if he is nothing more than a child. The Professor intervenes before Sylvain can try again, giving him a weary look. Sylvain shouts after Dimitri, snarling and shaking with anger. 

Felix is not entirely unaccustomed to that level of pain through their soulbond, but either Dimitri has grown more reckless with new ready access to healing or the proximity has intensified the impact. Felix had never been crippled in such a way before, not since the eye or that torture that went on for days. 

How can Dimitri stand it? That is the thought that occupies his mind, that seizes his tongue. Part of him understands that he should be outraged at how Dimitri nearly got him killed, but he’s so fixated on the pain. As far as Felix had been concerned, Dimitri’s madness was something of his own twisted making, an ego-fueled desperate attempt to excuse his bloodlust. 

But no conscious being can withstand that level of pain. Man or beast. 

It is returning from that first battle, that Felix’s world begins to unravel around him. His first instinct upon encountering this new Dimitri was anger and disgust. He was a beast as Felix had always assumed he’d end up being. It was a natural reaction to protect himself of course. But now… he just feels numb. Was Dimitri truly dead? There is no way anything living can handle that… 

And so, Felix takes up a lonely watch seeking answers. It is true, Dimitri seems more wraith than man. Conversing with ghosts, staring unseeing at the world around him, clawing at shadows and snarling at all who approach him. The more of the insanity he witnesses, the more time he spends on the field bearing the weight of that pain, the more Felix realizes that Dimitri is truly insane. It is not a man pursuing a fantasy of vengeance at the cost of all around him, he is well and truly either cursed a dead man walking or consumed by illness. 

The realization is, oddly, a relief. 

The relief does not last long. He may not be tethered to a monster, but Dimitri is still a madman. This is not a problem Felix can solve with a sword, and a lifetime in Faerghus has taught him little of how to use words instead. 

And so, Felix turned Mercedes, spent hours pouring over the Monastery’s medicinal texts, consulting with different healers the army had accumulated - and quickly discovered that Fodlan understood little of the human mind. But he supposes that’s to be expected, if people like him, or at least how he had been before, ran this hellscape of a continent. 

But as it would be, as it always seems to be, it is not Felix that Dimitri needs now. Sometimes Felix wonders if it had ever been, if he had ever been of any use to the man who was in possession of the other half of his soul. Rather, it is Dedue that no text in great library of Garreg Mach had predicted. Honestly, Felix should’ve known. 

In Faerghus’ fierce winter, ice has the unearthly ability to create armor upon everything it touches. Felix remembers so many winters as a child, dagger in hand, chipping away at the ice that had encrusted the Fraldarius Estate until enough had given way to shattering. Dedue was the first blow of the blade, the first nick that began spider-webbing across the cage of madness that entrapped Dimitri. 

But it was the death of Rodrigue, of his father, that was the finishing blow. 

Felix bides his time. Honestly, he has no idea what he’s doing. Waiting for some proof that Dimitri was free from the clutches of the worst of his madness? That his father did not leave this world to a broken man, just as Glenn had done? He’d never get that confirmation, not now at least. There’s nothing to it, he realizes eventually. He’s going to have ensure it. 

He wasted his chance last time, wasted those years before Dimitri succumbed. He was sick of feeling the pain without the warmth of Dimitri’s touch to soothe it. Felix is not Dimitri’s keeper, he never was. But he is his soulmate, so maybe for once he should try to play the part. 

And so, Felix corners Dimitri after a meeting of the war council, trailing after his King into one of the quiet courtyards as the moon reaches its high. They stand there in the quiet, listening to shifting of leaves on the trees. When Felix grew sick of the silence, he turned sharply to face Dimitri - who took a surprised step back in response. 

The sudden motion caused a pin prick of pain in Felix’s ribs - and ah, there was Dimitri’s hand going to clasp at his own. The feeling at been so faint, Felix had barely reacted, but Dimitri had winced just the same. Felix scowled. 

“If you are injured, go see Mercedes.” 

“Ah no, it is… it must be my soulmate.” 

Felix blinked. Is he fucking with Felix right now? 

“You’re lying.” 

Quite terribly, in fact, Felix thought to himself. If Dimitri was going to concoct some scheme to pretend they were not soulmates to save Felix the emotional pain (even if it would by no means spare him the physical), he could have planned it much better than randomly lying about it. 

Clearly Dimitri knew Felix’s cause for approaching him this evening and simply panicked. What an absolute idiot. However, Dimitri did not seem ashamed of how weak his ploy was, he instead grew pensive. 

“Wouldn’t you rather it be the truth?” 

Oh. He wasn’t trying to hide it. And suddenly, Felix is furious. This absolute bastard. He was giving Felix an out, letting him just outright reject Dimitri, reject this bond that has caused him so much fucking misery but promised him to the only man he had ever loved. 

As if Felix hadn’t spent the past five fucking years chasing after him, watching over him, waiting for him - so of course Felix laughs, bitter and angry and spits out the first thing he can think of: “Are you asking me if I would curse your pain on anyone else? Do you think me that cruel?” 

Dimitri swallows hard, gaze going distant. 

“I...” 

Felix ignored him. 

“You’re mine, Dimitri. Even when I didn’t want you to be. There’s no point in denying it.” 

Dimitri said nothing, stricken. 

“Fine. Then I’ll just-” 

Felix drew his dagger in one swift move, ready to draw his own blood if Dimitri would not accede - but Dimitri sntached the blade away before Felix even saw him move and threw it across the courtyard, keeping one hand on Felix’s wrist so as that he could not draw his sword. 

Felix blinked in shock. 

“You didn’t seem to care about causing me pain before,” he said reflexively, words spilling past his lips before their meaning even registered. 

Dimitri wrenched away from Felix as if he had been burned, letting out a noise like a wounded animal, eye wide and panicked and face tinged green. 

“Fuck - wait - no, Dimitri - I didn’t.” 

Felix darted forwards, trying to grab a hold of Dimitri who just moved backwards out of his reach. 

“Stop - just fucking stop!” 

Dimitri froze at that, at the sound of desperation in Felix’s voice, the way it cracked and shook. Eye wide and breathing uneven, he stared. 

Felix felt himself falling apart. 

“Goddess, I don’t understand, how I am so fucking bad at this. Why can’t I just-” 

Felix let out a frustrated growl and buried his face in his hands, feeling shame rise in his throat as hot tears gathered in his eyes. Why is this so fucking hard?

“I searched for you for five fucking years, Dimitri. I scoured Fhirdiad, crossed the border into Imperial territory, made deals with Alliance nobles to check the borderlands, hunted down every single last scrap of information I could find about you because I knew you weren’t dead, I knew they hadn’t killed you because I felt it - I felt it all. And then I found you and it wasn’t like I had found you at all, and so then I was searching for you again - but this time in every stupid useless book in the library, ever healer that I could find - and, and, I’ve finally found you, finally gotten you back and I don’t know what to say to make you stay.” 

“Oh,” was all Dimitri managed. He was crying and he didn’t even seem to realize it, astonishment and emotion twisting his features and his lips were trembling. Felix surged forward, burying himself into Dimitri’s chest, tears of frustration becoming tears of relief as he felt warm arms wrap around him like they hadn’t done for nearly a decade. 

“Why is it pain?” 

“...what?” 

“Why do we share pain? Why not… something good. We have enough fucking pain in our lives as it is.”

“I… I would imagine that while it comes naturally to lovers to share… pleasure… it is much more difficult to get used to sharing pain.” 

“We’ve had twenty-three years ‘to get used to it’ and it’s not any easier.”

“Perhaps…” 

“What.” 

“Well. It is not as if we had any happiness to offset it. I… I am afraid our bond has only brought you the pain it inherently requires, and none of the pleasure that is supposed to accompany it.” 

“We are both responsible, don’t try to take this all on yourself.” 

“Felix… I was mad for five years.” 

“I neglected you for the years before that. I didn’t even try, Dimitri, I didn’t even try to understand. I was so fucking useless...”

“I don’t blame you.” 

“Then I don’t blame you for you madness.” 

“Well... it appears we are at an impasse.” 

“Where do we go from here?” 

“I… do not know.” 

“I think it’s maybe about time we try the other part of this.” 

“The other part?” 

“The pleasure, Dimitri, the pleasure.” 

“I… well… yes, that would be a good place to start.” 

“It’s about damn time.” 

“Yes. Yes it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed LOL apologies for the lack of betaing or formatting. comments and feedback are much appreciated ;; thank you for reading!! love these boys


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